I Didn't Want to Go (But I'm So Glad I Did)

There are a few poems I keep coming back to as I am writing my novel. One of those poems is in Unbroken Pieces. It recalls a first date I was reluctant to go on. But it ended up becoming the beginning of a story that needs to be told.

The poem is called “I Didn’t Want to Go.” It opens on someone thoroughly unimpressed, dragging her feet toward a date she’s sure will disappoint her:

I didn’t want to go.

You didn’t interest me

Beyond the fact that

You were interesting.

Curious about your craft,

Impressed by the studied way

You set about your goals.

I did indeed find you fascinating.

But when you asked me out,

I didn’t want to go.

Then comes the spiral every reluctant dater knows… what to wear, what to do with uncooperative summer hair (I have really tight curls, man), and the conviction that the whole thing would be a waste of time:

The thought of first impressions,

Agonizing over what to wear

And what to do with my hair,

Which didn’t much cooperate

In this summer humidity.

Would it be anything but frustrating?

I was through with dating.

It was all but disappointing.

So, I didn’t want to go.

My friends talked me into it the way friends do:

“Go and have fun,” my friends urged.

More versed and experienced than I

In the world of men and courtship.

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

They argued points seemingly valid.

I could have a terrible time

And we would never speak again.

I guess that wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Still, I didn’t want to go.

And then the turn — the part I didn’t see coming:

But, out of excuses, I went.

And you quickly calmed me with your smile.

You took me on a tour of our city.

We talked for hours of the past, the present, and the hopeful future.

We sat closer, stood closer, moved closer.

Like magnets unable to resist the pull.

And when the night was over,

I didn’t want to go.

The slow burn I wrote started right there, in the almost-didn’t. My upcoming novel is fiction, but it grew out of real ground: nights I almost didn’t show up for and feelings I didn’t see coming until they’d already arrived. I won’t draw you a map of exactly where the poem ends and the story begins. Some things are more interesting when held a little close. But if you’ve read my poetry, or you read the novel when it’s out, you’ll recognize this feeling when you find it.

The book is coming together now. If you want to be there as it unfolds, subscribe, and I’ll bring you along. In the meantime, “I Didn’t Want to Go” and the rest of Unbroken Pieces are out now and available on Amazon.

Coffee in hand, and happy to be done with first dates

— Sharla